GoodBye
by LivinWasteland
Summary: How can one survive after the death of a child? GrimmIchi. Mentions of Mpreg. Oneshot.


The moment Grimmjow watched his and Ichigo's son be rushed behind the double doors of the E.R. was the very moment he knew his son wasn't coming back alive. Yet, for the sake of Ichigo and his own psyche he continued to say everything would be fine while he held Ichigo close to him and rubbed his shoulder.

An hour had passed, and then another, before the doctor came before Grimmjow still dressed in the scrubs that, with no doubt in his mind, were covered in his son's blood. The doctor held a solemn expression as he separated Grimmjow from Ichigo to deliver the news that Grimmjow expected, but wasn't quite ready to hear.

He placed a hand on Grimmjow's shoulder and almost whispered the apology for not being able to revive his son. Grimmjow searched the doctors' eyes for a better answer, for a sign that told him that this was sick joke and that his son was alright. The doctor removed his hand from Grimmjow's shoulder and gave more inaudible condolences as he walked off.

Ichigo walked up to Grimmjow whose face had been wiped blank of all emotion and asked what the doctor had said. Grimmjow, who couldn't find the right words to say just wrapped his arms around Ichigo and began to mutter ' I'm sorry' over and over into his ear. Ichigo began to fight against Grimmjow's hold, screaming and hitting Grimmjow who just continued to hold Ichigo till his knees went weak and Ichigo sank to the floor in unrelenting pools of tears.

Grimmjow knelt beside Ichigo and attempted to help him, Ichigo slapped him away, while he continued to cry into his hands. Still crouched in front of Ichigo, Grimmjow pulled at his hands,  
>"Come on, get off the floor. " Grimmjow said softly, "Let's go home."<br>Ichigo pushed him away again, "I'm not leaving till I see my son!" he shouted.  
>"Let's just go -"<br>"I'm not leaving till I see my fucking son Grimmjow!" he screamed and pushed Grimmjow so that now he too was sitting on the floor. Grimmjow finally got a glimpse of the red rimmed pain filled eyes of his lover, he scooted closer to Ichigo on the floor and placed a hand on his cheek, "It'll be okay Ichigo,I pr—"  
>"No it won't," Ichigo cut him off, "how can you say that? Our son – it's not gonna be okay Grimmjow, it's not—oh God!" A new flood of tears came spilling out, and Grimmjow backed away from Ichigo and positioned himself against the opposite wall and finally allowed the silent tears he'd been holding back to slip out into his shirt.<p>

After the funeral, countless times Grimmjow tried to help Ichigo get past their son's death, but failed. He mentally told himself he'd give it a year. But a year turned into two and two soon became three, and the more the years slipped by the more distant he and Ichigo became. It was the silence that Grimmjow noticed first, then silence turned into glares being thrown at him along with the consistent arguments over the petty things and then…  
>"Don't touch me." Ichigo said with malice all too clear in his voice while the two lay in the bed together.<br>"Why not?" Grimmjow said planting kisses on Ichigo's shoulder.  
>"Get the fuck off me Grimmjow." Ichigo elbowed Grimmjow in the mouth and got out of bed, stomping out of the room.<br>Grimmjow laid there, stunned from the sharp pain he felt from his busted lip and sudden outburst of anger from Ichigo. He got out of bed and went after Ichigo, who had locked himself in the bathroom.  
>Grimmjow knocked at the door, "Ichigo, what's wrong?"<br>"Just leave me alone right now." He replied.  
>"Come on, babe tell me what the problem is. I bet I can fix it for you." Grimmjow joked.<br>"The problem is you." Ichigo said dryly.  
>"What?" Grimmjow said.<br>"You heard me. The problem is you." Ichigo unlocked the door and stepped out, walking pass Grimmjow without bothering to make eye contact with him and holding onto what he already knew to be his son's picture.  
>He followed Ichigo into the living room, "I thought we got pass all this?" he said as Ichigo sat there opening the photo album.<br>"No you got pass it, Grimmjow. I didn't." He said placing the wrinkled photo back into its slot, "Not like you really cared anyway."  
>"What?" Grimmjow said becoming pissed, "What are you trying to say?" he walked over and yanked Ichigo up by the arm, "You think it's my fault he died? You think I wanted him to die?"<br>"It is your fault and you know it! You watched him go in the road and you said nothing!" Ichigo used his free arm to punched Grimmjow and stalked back towards their bedroom  
>"That car came from nowhere Ichigo! How the hell was I suppose to know it would come around the corner tearing up the fucking pavement! Tell me how the hell was I suppose to know?" Grimmjow shouted back and caught Ichigo and pinned him against the wall.<br>"You don't even go visit his grave -" he tried to hold back the tears, "-or anything you just act like he was never here!"  
>"Why do you insist on opening old wounds?" Grimmjow said losing the fight in his voice as he watched Ichigo's angered expression disappear into the sadness.<br>"Why do you insist on covering them!" Ichigo shot back through the tears.  
>Grimmjow sighed, "Because it's easier that way", he released Ichigo, letting him go into the room while he stood at the door way. Ichigo grabbed a pillow and a blanket and handed it to Grimmjow. That night Grimmjow found himself sleeping on the couch.<p>

Mere weeks after that, Grimmjow pulled up in his driveway, finally home from work. It was the eve of his and Ichigo's anniversary, so with flowers in hand Grimmjow was prepared to do whatever it took to make Ichigo happy. As he walked up to his door Grimmjow saw a note taped to the door. 

_Grimmjow,__  
>I ache… I can't breathe… I'm drowning in tears. His name isn't supposed to be carved in stone. He isn't supposed to be gone. I realized that I can't blame you for his death, because it's not your fault, but when someone you love becomes a memory, then you treasure that memory and nothing else. But you keep trying to take it away from me Grimmjow, and I can't let you do that. So I guess what I'm trying to say is goodbye.<em>_  
>Ichigo<em>


End file.
